unspeakable feeling

i am confused. i don't know what should i feel now. should i treat as nothing happen or should i treat it as ended. there are things that should not happen but it did happened. i thought i could just let it be. it turns out in the end i am lying to myself. i hate myself y i so easily give in to someone whom i have feeling but seems like being played. perhaps i should not let my feeling controlled me but i did. i hate myself for letting my heart open for someone whom i perhaps should not have given to. I did regret. At first, i thought i could really help him as fren. i did treat him as fren but i couldn't figure out since when my feeling slowly turns out to be love. everything start to change once i know my true feeling. I scare he played my feeling. in fact, not only he don't have confidence and scared in love, i myself also scared and don't have confidence. i had been played many times and hurt many times. I just want to treat someone i care whole heartly is it also not allowed. ever since that night, i could not really concentrate on my works. i wanted to help him up with his career.. i wanted so much to see him build up himself back.. dunno since when, i start to care him so much till sometimes i feel so worry when he didn't reply or message me.i know that i am his nobody. who am i to care so much actually? last two days, he told he didn't have his meal due to too busy with work, and he vomit out whatever he had eaten. I was so worry till i decided to care his stomach. i boil something late at night and gave to him after his work yesterday. i don't care on who am i to him anymore. I just want to care him and support him eventhough only as fren now. i brought it to his house. i told myself not to push and not to hope. but i could not control my heart feeling. when he asked me to take care of his daughter as he wanted to work, and i without any hesitation, agree and asked to put his mind in ease and worked as he wish. frankly, i did care his daughter a lot. i to his daughter maybe a jie jie but i will try to pour a mother love in his daughter. i don't want to think so much because i really care her. seeing her smile and happy, i also felt happy. i just wanted to protect her eventhough as a jie jie status. sometimes things do takes times. now i know that love someone, we does not necessary need to own it. as long as the one we love happy and we managed to help then we will also happy. i won't stop helping and supporting him. sometimes things need to be slowly. i will wait for him. i will really wait till one day he told me that he has someone d in his heart and life o told me tat we will only be fren. if really that day arrives, then perhaps i will let go everything here and move on to other place to start my life. from now, i will still love his daughter like a child which i could not say my own but i will treat like a daughter and protect her as a mother with a jie jie status I will pour some mother love for her and teach and guide her to love. i miss her sometimes like now i miss her. i promise someone to help in making a video for his daughter then i will do it. i am not going to push and force him. i want him to be the one he want to be and build himself back. i want to see him happy then i will be happy also. i know i am silly but i cant help myself.