sore....

i am officially single nw... should be say that i suppose to be happy and free now... however it seems like i am causing myself in a dilemma again... being with someone was supposed to be happy... all of his family member treat me good... out of my expectations i had been a mum for several months... at first i was just thought on giving this child a mother love... however as time pass by, the love from just a normal sister to this child had become a love of mother... appearance seems to accept i to be her mom but deep inside this child i not sure.... for sometimes she will cast me away like today... as loves and cares i pour was not like normal kids... i knew that i can never have a place in her heart... sometimes i feel like crying but i dunno whether this tears rolling down is for what purpose? apparently i can feel jealous inside me... today i was touched when she called me but at the same time i do feel pain and sore when her daddy ask me go out in order to give her sleep... suddenly i feel like i am useless mother... a mother for just in need not for love... a girlfriend in need not for love.... i dunno i struggle for what and i dunno what am i doing now... when he ask me out from room, my tears wanna drop down.... my heart really sore... i dunno what should i do... i think nothing i can do now except for just be in patience... being a stepmother really not easy... really need time.... i hope that he could know that actually i am trying very hard and hope he could feel my tiredness... sometimes i do feel suffocated... heart really pain when daddy chase me out... the feeling is like all this while what i do was useless and means nothing..... dunno when only my tears can be out and when only baby could accept me....