what makes heart beat and what makes it hurts?

i dun even know does my heart really beating for someone d... i don't dare to step in but i did step in d. Last night i cried for so hard. Thanks to my darling and also someone who tried their best to make me happy. When I saw him I really happy. I can let go the pain I suffer and can even build myself up. Last night was really surprise me. I was so miss him and thanks to my darling I finally manage to see him. I do try my very best to just treat him as fren and not to cross border of frenship. I scare of losing him. He is right. I should not step in fast in a relationship when i had just a broken one. Last night although he just hold my hand for a while and also just for play, my heart melted. I know i could not control my feeling much longer. it getting stronger. Now not only he avoid me but i think i also avoid him. For all these while he keeps on reminding me that he just treat me as fren and we are just only fren. I don't know what would I feel when he told me that he loves someone else... i know that i didn't just treat him as fren. but i dun wan him to know that i had feeling with him. perhaps he know d that y he keeps reminding me as his fren. he dun wan me to misunderstood. i know. i understand. i dun wan to force too much. he dun have feel towards me then let it be ba. perhaps the feeling could be wash away through time. i not dare to see him long last night. my feeling really mixed up. i only know i feel so happy by his side. he keeps on saying wan find a girl and my heart keeps on scare. i din feel hurt just feel sad cannot even be a girl for him to choose. cannot be a girl to be with him. sad that i dun even have the chance. perhaps. maybe he think that i am not serious and playing only. or perhaps i am confuse with my own thinking and feeling. i feel sad cause no chance given by him. as for him i am just only a fren. a fren... just a fren.... perhaps i should stop messsaging him and stop thinking of him d... he will never think of me.... a love that accidentally lit up makes my heart beat again for love but a word of fren out from the accidentally lit up feel makes heart hurt..... friend... sometimes could ease pain but sometimes could make us mess and sad and pain....