heart beat again but heartache

all these years, i felt that i am a total lost girl. Perhaps i am too straight. I dunno how to control my feeling. I just lost a love and yet now i have feel again. i know it is not right. But y do i feel like he is the one... when i sad or happy also i think of him. no matter what mood i am in my mind was holding to him... its was not it should be. I don't even know whether my heart fall for him or not... he lift me up but now he put me down again. I hate my weakness a lot. I don't even know why am I fond of him. Maybe I was touch by the way he care for kids and the way he looks. We had been quite close last 2 weeks. He could even sang a song for me and bought me a cake and also kiss my forehead everytime we head home after we went out. But now things change. He started to avoid me. The message gets fewer everyday. The moment when he grabs my hand my life suddenly got a light lit up. However sweet things always never seem to last for me. The next day we seems like break d. Perhaps we or should I say I start out too fast. I don't understand myself why I can be like this. I just knew this nice guy and how can I have feeling for him? I was feeling very comfortable and secure whenever I with him. I enjoyed so much the time we spent together although just for a short period. Yesterday, when he sent me to meet lawyer, i was happy to be by his side and was so happy to see him. However don't know, after meeting up lawyer, my tears keeps on rolling down my eyes but I control it for I don't him to see me cry. While he sent me home, I managed to accompany him work a while. A feeling of satisfaction. I enjoyed seeing the way he work. I really hopes he could open up his heart now and not to prove anything to his ex-wife but to himself and also his daughter. Even though he may not likes me, I will also wish that he find a girl that will suit him, likes him and can accept his situation and condition as a single daddy. I may be in hurt if there is a girl likes him but I also wish him the best as he is a nice guy. As for Tommy, I really let go the pain and hurt love that he cause and gave me these 4 years. I could not even recall back any sweet memories while the time being together with him. I tried many times before filing for divorce to recover back the feeling of love that had lost however it seems like it getting worse when the feeling I had when with him is a feeling of scare and afraid. I felt unsecure when be with him. Eventually it seems like he lost everything, but the truth is it seems like I am the one who lost everything except my freedom. I had lost a house, family, car, love, money and youth. It is not easy to make this decision but it is even tougher to go through a life like hell. After last night discussion, it seems like I am making a fool to myself all these years. Been sacrifice for nothing. Love for someone who took me for granted. I am the biggest loser after all. It's gonna close and end after all. In a short while everything will come to an end. My life gonna open a new life chapter d. Jia you to myself ba. Gambate....  Everything will end..........