the love of happiness

back from pangkor, seems to have buried my feeling of love to wards someone there. frankly i don't even know am i really putting it down. cause if so y am my heart still aching? i had been asking tis question again and again and yet i get the answer. perhaps he really put down his feeling towards me and just treated me as one of his fren who could help him when the time he need. 10/08/2015, he text me several msg. i saw it but i choose not to reply even though i wanted so much to text him back. when he called me just to know am i safe or back d, i was feeling happy and my heart was smiling. but that also just a short period of happiness that he grow inside me. when he suddenly text me so many questions, i could not felt what his feeling actually. when the time he asked me to accompany him a while, and the moment i saw his tears rolling down, my heart felt pain. i dunno y it happen but seeing him in pain and tired making me feel the same. i was sad that i unable to help him ease the pain inside his heart. i told myself and remind myself that we are just fren. dun cross the fren border line. otherwise i am the one get hurt. no matter how hard i tired, i still care and still concern. i cannot lie to my own heart. nowadays everytime when i faced him, i just act that we are just fren. i know that i want to be more than fren with him but sometimes things cannot be forced. perhaps it is better this way.

yesterday, he sent me a message saying how happy he was as he managed to get a lot of sales based on his effort and he is not the same old him anymore. i was feeling happy as well. i text him back. however after last night text, there is no reply from him since then. seeing him determined now, i really happy. as a fren i am really happy to be able to support him during the time he needs. perhaps he is using my feeling for i can sense it but as long as he managed to build up himself, i am more than happy for him. i should let really let go my feel to him d and just really treat him as fren. however, now i miss him so much. but for what use, i am the only one who miss him. his heart does not even consist me. he didn't even miss me. i will still help him till the day when the time say i should not help anymore. i love him but i not dare to think on owning him. i just want him to be happy and cheerful. i want him to be the person he should be and be a hero for bb nix. i miss his daughter a lot. caring him and loving him makes me loves his daughter and cared his daughter. however all this will stop one day when i felt i didn't exist and have a place in his heart. i love him and i will always wish for his happiness.

it is love? am i wrong in loving someone? cant i have the chance?

we should not make a relationship then i wont be in this hurt. i can still control my feeling towards him. i am not a wood. i am not a human with no feeling. i hate my feeling when it always right. i know he had no feel for me and just treat me as fren. i know that he felt sorry for playing me. but i want him to know that i just wanted a word from him. a word that can ask me to wait. i am willing to wait him. these few days i had been trying very hard in maintaining our relationship as fren. i know it is hard but i really dun wan to give up. love does not mean to own right. but single handed love really tired and pain. the worst pain is i had started to miss his daughter trinnix. i miss her a lot and a feeling of taking care of her slowly grow inside me. i dun wan to be her god mother cause i know what i want to be for her. bb i miss u... i had been see ur pic lately. it seems like bb daddy avoiding me.. perhaps he really busy... i also wish him the best. i just want to be beside him support him den i can be satisfied and happy. if he have problem i hope he will think of me and wish i can share with him. just be by his side i can be more than satisfied and happy. bb trinnix, jie jie miss u a lot... jie jie love u....