mami,
so long din chat with mami,,, sorry ya... i am kind of busy lately... but i dunno tat is an excuses or i am really busy. mami i am so tired in making decision and thinking on how to please someone. i really tired in this relationship. i dunno y i can be so 'mao tun'. last time i was very sure he woud be the only one but dunno y after i know he lie to me and what his family members say about our family i ko beh tong. mami, i know he suffer but wat can i do. i also suffer. i not dare to think so much now, but i cannot lie myself, i can forgive what his family member say about our family because i sometime also got say about his family. but mami, i beh forget he lie and cheat me. my heart really tia. he everday face me and say my face black he can tell r he very kang ko but i ko kan kangko. everyday face someone whom i trust lie and cheat me. he wan me to let go tat past on being cheated as he say he is not intend to do so, if he really love me there is no excuses for him to lie me even a single o small thing especially he knw i dislikes when someone promise and this is the first promise from him. everyone c him very tired and kang ko now but c me like i am ok. who know deep inside i also feel pain. i am hurt till cant show out the pain anymore... can be say tat pain till dunno what am i pain inside. i know my feeling towards him is fading away. i dunno y this can happen is not me wan tis to happen but it did happen. all these years i had been sarifice everything for him... my time, my years, my finance and even my love.. all these while before things happen did he appreciate it? no... if he do things wont happen till this stage.. i am really angry how dare he still wan to ask how much my love towards him. i already love till hate. i used to love his voice.. but now i very hate his sounds.. everytime he call up i really dun wan to pick up but i ko scare something happen to him and he will luan luan think.. he really make me suffer more than i make him suffer. i used to love to msg him but in the past he neglec my msg more... now i dun expect anything d not even a single msg.. when i waiting he didnt care... now i am cold only d only he started to feel scare and wan to let me know how much he love me... i am not a wood. i do have feeling. who suffer more, even i angry also i still need to care his feeling. who;s more tired now? i make myself busy just to avoid him because i am tired in letting him knw and also answering the question which i myself dun even know the ans.
mami, i am really useless. without u beside me i am really nothing. i not dare to tell papa how suffer i am now cause i cant talk it out to him. i can only talk to u mami but its bad tat u r not here with me anymore. now everything seems to be late d mami,,, i knw he wan to get back my love but i just could not do tat nw. i ask to give us both sometime. he seems like he cant understand.o i shoud say from beginning til nw he nvr care and understand on wat i wan. i had changed. i dun mind he can do ath for me or not d. i dun have that care and feel d. i knw myself. but he cant. he cant give some time to recover and i felt like pushing. mami, should i really stop this relationship now? the more he do things to get me back the more i feel stress. the more my heart hurt. mami, i really hope can hug u and cry on u nw instead of crying alone here. everyone knw he in pain but whos knw my pain.
he is doing cruel to me when he ask me the question today. y must he be tat cruel and force to tell lies? if he is in pain and suffer then wat about me? mami, y u never wan to take me with u>
mami, if really stop this relationship no one will b more hurt than me not even him for i had sacrifice everything for him. but if wan stop i not dare to do so cz i really dunno wat i wan now. i dun wan regret but i really suffer. i wan us to be normal is it also very hard? i wan us to focus on career is it also very hard... who knw my pain... who can understand how i felt inside... i even ry so hard not to let someone enter my heart but dunno y today i someone place... i wish to c him a glance but no chance.. mami, if time can go back i will hold back everything... mami, i cry again d tonight,,, he make me disappointed again tonight. i had changed mami.. i am not the old me... i hate the old me also... the pain tat he cause to me had make me myslef today. a girl who is independant, bold and full of charisme.. i am changing to be someone who wish to have but cant have.... i dunno whn i will do the things i dun wan to do... i just wish he could focus on his work and not on me anymore...
mami... sorry for being useless daughter... i wan to pull out the root tat someone accidentally enter in.. someone gonna out from thr also... if not i think i will meet u very soon... i wish s stop asking cruel question and force me to ans tat cruel question... i am very scare him nw,,,
No comments:
Post a Comment