mummy,
its been a time since my last talk with u.. i stopped talking as my mind was in a mess and i dun even know on what to talk to u. i cant even start and i dun even know on where should i end... i was in a total lost mummy..
mummy,
let me tell u a thing... i also know what i should do d now. and i am not going to delay it anymore.. all this year being with someone has up and down... i was in a mess.... after breaking with him, someone is the one who be with me and by my side... eventually i thought that he is the one for me.. our status changed very fast... for the first year when we be together i was happy... really.. tat time many things happen and i dun even how to face all the obstacles... my mind had become empty... suddenly he appear to be seen as a fairy to help me go through all the obstacles... tat moment i felt that i am the most happiest girl in the earth... really mummy.. i even blocked him because of someone tat y i bo read diok all his emotion and feeling... but things turn out differently on the 2nd years of our relationship. i was in a deep patience cause i had make a regret once and i don't want to regret twice... the following year and so on was a tragic and also thrilled me... i gets humiliation, mocking and disrespect from someone family... i treat someone family as my family but in the end i gets all the things i didn't expected. that moment i felt hurt and it did hurt... however for the 1st year he did dump me once which until now it left a deep scare inside the heart... the scar that he makes it happen had become no pain as no because of i get rid of it but is because of hurt too deep thus no feel d. . mummy, towards someone is not tat i am giving any chance and suddenly become like a cruel person... is happen because of giving too much chance till i hurt myself with the chance i gave... i forgive him but i cannot forget that why i decide to let go... he maybe in pain i knew tat but it is better this way for i dun wan both of us to get hurt more deeply... for the past 2 years i had suffer more than enough and i dun wan to suffer anymore. the humiliation, mocking and the hell life i had suffer enough... someone until now will never know how hard my life been through for these near to 3 years. Yes it's true that i be with someone not his family but i also wan respect towards my family and also myself. The most basic protection someone already neglect it... i had been raising and voice out now i am tired in saying much... someone may ask y i cant just let go this question is similar with the broken glass which cant be stick together and be with complete pure and beautiful again once broken. same thing goes to trust.. i hate people lie the most especially on the first promise... once a lie forever a lie... this thing never happen to him whom i kept cause he never ever promise me anything and i also knew what he is likes... he is a person who will do and try to do at his best to make his words fullfill... i waited u for 4 years on a things that i asked... a proposal to be together and also a "biao bai" from u... till the end when we register what did i get??? u had destroyed my 1st time in life with this lie... a lie does not mean a small also a lie... a lie towards me could have an impact in my life... i can forgive but i cant forget the pain... i can let go but the hurt will still remain still in my heart for it's like pour acid on my heart and it cant be back to its original shape... its not i never give chance at all but i did give in so many ways... just that someone never truly appreciate it for someone never really use his heart to feel it... someone may blame me cruel but for enough is enough... i dun wan to argue anymore... i dun wan to continue my life as a hell anymore... i dun want to hate my life everytime i wake up... i want to be free again for myself... someone maybe hurt... people may see how hurt he was but i do hurt as well... from the moment i make this decision i already that there is no turning point back in the relationshiip.. sorry to say but for our good this decision sooner or later have to be made... i dun wan to explain... let the blame in me... hope he could recover from tis quick and gain his wealth and do his business well... as for me i rather be his little angel taking care of him and be with him whenever he needs me eventhough he have no feel or put me down d... hope this will be the best end.... my tears will never shed down for u anymore.... my chin will not be wet anymore....
